Beauty is not defined by your pants

I have lived my whole life feeling imperfect. It started when I was in 5th grade. It didn't matter what clothes I wore, I never felt like the other girls; I never felt pretty. I'd beg my mom to take me to Limited Too; certain that I just needed to wear the cool clothes. I'd sift through the magazines and fall in love with what I saw. My love for fashion started young. However, I never got to wear any of those clothes. I'd go into the store, pull item upon item and none of it would fit. I wore a children's size 14 or 16 while my friends wore a size 10. I would watch TV during summer break and fall in love with Mary Kate and Ashley's clothes - certain I could find the same for when school started in the fall - but I never did. Nothing fit like it was "supposed to." I'd get frustrated and I'd cry in the dressing room while the door was shut so my sister and mom couldn't see.

My sister would have friends over and they would model their clothes for school. I'd try to participate but quickly stopped. I didn't look like they did; I had small breasts, I was short, and a little chubby. 

Don't be fooled, I was a very active kid. I road my bike, roller bladed, played outside, played on a basketball team, and took a dance class. It didn't matter; I was always a little chubby. 

I remember one moment very distinctly as a kid. I was hungry and eating a snack and someone asked me why I was eating if I was fat. I don't think I've ever felt that low in my entire life, and I was only 10 years old. A little question that carried so much hurt and so much implication. The very idea that because I was chubby, I shouldn't eat. That it was that simple. 

That's the type of society we live in now days. I wish someone had just told me that my body was different. I would never be tall and thin and I'd never have big breasts - but I was special and I was me - and that was ok. Instead, I've tried my whole life to be something that I'm not. 

I grew out of my "chubby days" but I still never felt adequate. To make things worse, I ended up going to Ole Miss - home of the countries most beautiful girls. Talk about feeling inadequate. I was surrounded by women who woke up more beautiful that I could be if I spent hours working at it. Tall, tan, long haired, cute nosed, big boobed girls - because that's what's pretty right? 

Like most college students, I gained the freshman 15, but it was so much more prevalent when you're 5'2'' and surrounded by women who look like goddesses. It didn't matter that I had a boyfriend, I still felt bad about myself. . 

I decided it was time to lose weight again and be healthy - to be honest I really did need to loose at least 10 pounds. I started running and eating healthy and I eventually lost close to 30 pounds; a lot more than I had gained. 

The weight loss stopped there, but something else started. I became obsessed with everything I ate, every single calorie. Missing a work out or eating 100 calories more than I wanted to would cause serious anxiety. I was measuring every meal. I measured slices of turkey to make sure I only ate an exact serving size. Going out to dinner caused me extreme anxiety; I would look at the online menus before I went to pick out what I would eat.

But I saw results in my controlled eating. I was a size 0 in pants and an XS in tops and everything I tried on in stores fit. I was barely eating and the clothes fit me. Because I was thin, I felt pretty. And because I felt pretty, I felt happy.

Forget that all I thought about all day long was food - what I had eaten, what I was going to eat. Sometimes in class I would write down all my calories and calculate my intake. Today, I can tell you how many calories are in pretty much any food. 

I eventually realized there was a problem, and I made a conscious effort to stop obsessing over my calories. But it wasn't that easy. 

It got easier when I graduated and moved back to Atlanta. I started a new job and felt more in my element. I was surrounded by older women who were successful and beautiful - they were strong in their identities that didn't surround around their weight. We'd eat lunch together and I finally realized it was ok to eat. It was ok to eat a normal portion of food until I was full. And then eat again when I got hungry. I didn't need to count my calories; I just needed to listen to my body.

I was allowed to be hungry and I was allowed to eat. 

Today we live in a society where clothing stores offer a woman's pant size that is comparable to a children's size. There is something wrong with that. We as society make it acceptable for woman to starve themselves when we make clothing that is catered to only fit thin women. We make it ok to not eat when the clothing fits you better that way. We fill magazines with manipulated pictures of women who are made to look like they weigh nothing. This not only gives us bad self-esteem but it gives a false image of what beauty really is. 

I hate that one day my daughter might define beauty as fitting into clothes that were never made in her favor. I am sad that she might cry or feel less worthy because she wants to lose 5 pounds. I am terrified that she will feel less beautiful because of the size on the tag inside her pants.  

Beauty is more than your pant size.

Women today live in a world full of pressure. Don't we deserve to eat a bowl of ice cream and not feel guilty about it later? 

Now days I'm still a runner and I've started eating more. My old pants don't fit me, but I'm learning to be ok with that. 

Social butterfly

"She's the kind of girl you're nervous to introduce your parents to, you know? She's a little rough around the edges. But you know they'll love her eventually, once they see what she does to you...

...She's a bit of a bad girl. She breaks the rules...

...She dances even when there's no music. And she's got this thing about her that makes you want to be the same way. Sometimes she makes you happy. Sometimes she makes you sad. She challenges you. She'll even make you a little uncomfortable. But she makes you feel alive. She captivates you. She's like a drug. And she leaves you wanting more...

...She's not easy to be with, though. She's got a lot of baggage. She's been through a lot, and you can see it in her eyes. Trauma, neglect, loss of family members, economic hardship. But she's open about it. She loves sharing her story. About how she hit rock bottom and managed to get back up again..." - Joey Albanese


Whenever you pose a life altering question about love most people will tell you to "follow your heart."

As if it were that easy.

In a world so full of opinions, do we actually have the choice and freedom of following our hearts?

We all make choices and we like to tell ourselves these choices come from the heart, but they are usually based on feedback from our surroundings. We use social feedback to validate our lives; meaning we use it to decide if a choice we have made is good or bad. We tend to structure our lives to suit our social surroundings; no one likes to be judged and we all want social validation for our actions and choices. In fact, we structure our whole lives around this validation, even if it means losing something.

But how reliable are these social structures - can we trust them to make these type of decisions for us? Should we give up something we care about for the approval of our surroundings - in order to not break social norms?

Should we not get married young? Should we not date certain people because society says it's not 'right'? Do you stay with someone out of convenience? Do we let someone go because our friends don't approve?

I mean, these are all questions I've witnessed and in acquiring a professional degree that will handle these situations I think it's important to address my opinion:

The world will eventually get over its disapproval; but you may not - what's lost in your strife may never be recovered.

We give up one thing to gain another, but why can't we just have both?  Having both means having the courage to search for and discover the answers in our lives on our own - courage a lot of people don't possess. Find the courage because how unfortunate will it be down the road when realize you made the wrong choice and you lost the one thing you really wanted? Or maybe this has already happened to you - but it's never too late to have the courage to make things right - even if the road ahead seems ridiculous and difficult.

Honestly, one thing I've learned recently is in order to truly follow your heart you have to stop asking for advice and opinions, because the more opinions you get the less likely you are to actually get what you want in the end.

Don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start (thanks Sarah Prettyman) - no one else has to live with the choices you make - only you do; so make sure the choices you make are for you and from your heart.

Alive

I just finished a book about a school shooting and although fictional, the story seemed all too familar... bringing the word 'Columbine' to mind. A single word that now conjures an image of violence at a high school in Littleton, Colorado. 

The book and remembering Columbine sent my head spinning; are we ever safe? I think as teens and young adults we tend to think that life is infinite. We make a lot of plans and look to the future thinking we have so much time ahead of us. 

If the thought of a future is what keeps the human race moving do we need to contemplate the idea of life ceasing to exist? 

People say that the notion of premature death can push you to live a more full life... or does it limit your life due to fear? Maybe it's best that we don't think about delusional violence all the time. 

Acts of violence are heart wrenching because they make us wonder what it's like to be in those last moments of life. Those last seconds before your life is stolen from you; leaving everyone you love in the wake of your absence. What were peoples' lives like moments before they realized they were going to die? 

Allow me to paint a picture as if it were you. 

Maybe you were thinking about the dreams you will now never accomplish; that college degree or unborn baby you will now never hold. Perhaps you were looking forward to a tv show that night or weekend plans. Maybe you'd just had your first kiss or were starting to fall in love. In an instant, things can change. Suddenly someone's pointing a gun at you. It's not about the pain of the bullet, it's the terror you feel in those moments prior to loss. A nightmare you can't wake up from.

It's enough to make you sick just thinking about it, right? You're probably wondering why I am writing about this. I do so because we cannot ignore the violence any longer. Maybe if I can paint a picture of the reality violence creates, it can start to change. 

The truth is that life can stop in a split second; something we shouldn't have to think about. Violence robs us of our serenity and the peace we deserve to live our lives in. We now live in a world where it seems anything can happen. You can die watching a movie, getting an education or even running a race. 

So what is it that keeps us going? 

I think it's awakening to the sunrise when the world says it's time to make progress, and then quieting to the sunset when the whole world seems to go to sleep. We live each day for the potential happiness life brings us, and the fact that it can be taken from you makes it more valuable. We live for the potential of greatness, the promise of love. 

But most of all, we live for the people who did not get a choice. We live for those who we wish were here with us.

Compassion

My professor was lecturing us on counseling theories last week when he paused and said, "There are some things you just can't teach people.You can't teach empathy, mercy or compassion and you sure as hell can't make someone give a damn about other people if they don't already."

I think this is one of the hardest things people have to deal with on a regular basis; dealing with people who frankly -- and bluntly -- don't give a crap.

Compassion, as defined, is the understanding or empathy for the suffering of others and helping them to come out from the suffering. In other words, not kicking someone when they're already down. Instead you hold their hand and help them up.

I seem to have unwavering compassion for people even when they don't deserve it. It's coupled with the fact that I overly practice forgiveness and try to see the best in people. It can be really painful sometimes because not everyone is kind and you expect out of others what you, yourself, will give. You expect people to do for you what you would do for them. Unfortunately, not everyone has that capacity, but the let downs only make the compassion you do experience that much greater. People who can't give compassion will never know the happiness and healing it can bring and I think that's sad.

I think choosing to live life with kindness gives you a better outlook on the world; makes things a little prettier. People say you should live life for yourself and really do what makes you happy, but you know what's even better? When you can live for yourself and others.

So can we really not teach compassion? Or is that just something compassionate people came up with to cut those who lack it some slack? Maybe being compassionate is a choice; a choice to be selfish or selfless.

I'm not sure of the answer but one thing I do know is that the world can make you cold if you let it, but it doesn't have to be like that. You can choose to focus on the people who make you cry or the people who make you want to live.

Fate

“I wonder how many people don't get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to be with.” - Fannie Flagg

I know that not everyone will agree with me, but I believe there is one person in this world that we're meant to be with. One person who makes everything make sense; a soul mate. 

People will go back and forth on the idea that men and women think differently to explain why relationships are hard. However, I think that's just the struggle with dating. Until you get it right your relationships are destined for trouble. Once you get it right, you don't have to try to make it work, it just does. 

Some are lucky and they don't have to look far for their soul mate, others take a little longer for whatever reason. It's just very interesting to me how our lives seem to be designed to work out gracefully. Maybe you met your soul mate on a business trip, at work, on an airplane, in grad school or even at a coffee shop. Honestly, have you ever thought about how it seems like every choice we make leads us to what's meant to be? Even if we chose differently -- I think we'd still end up in the same place. We inevitably end up where we're meant to be. 

Some people would argue that there are a lot of wonderful people in the world and you can love anyone, but I don't think so. I choose to believe in fate.

So how do you find your soul mate? That's easy -- just do what makes you happy. You have to let the world take you where you're meant to go. If you follow your dreams and always do what's best for you, you will never be disappointed. 

Super human

"For me, I have learned to respond with grace more in my daily life. Your never really know what people are going through -- and if you did -- you just might treat them with a little more compassion. I've learned that your regrets and mistake don't define you -- you define you. It's not the situation, but how you respond to the situation that really counts. That's what you have control over. And finally, I've learned that it's OK to ask for help. We don't have to try to be super humans and try to solve all our problems on our own. When the going gets tough, find someone to help you get through it. There's so much help out there waiting for us to seek it out." - Kevin A. Hansen "The Secrets We Regret"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

#BostonMarathon

"And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." Hebrews 12:1

#prayforboston

Sorry, Charlie

Have you ever had a rift with someone and you were in the wrong yet you dreaded apologizing? Why do we dread or avoid this common courtesy to make amends? Shouldn't we look forward to the closure or peace an apology brings? Maybe you don't have an issue with apologizing, but I'm sure you've met someone who does - we all have. Believe it or not, a refusal to offer an apology is a common trend... so much so that there was an article written about it.

I've never really wondered about this phenomena, like most of us, I've learned to simply accept this trait in those who possess it. In other words, I wasn't searching for an explanation or article, however, it was interesting and seemed like a good share. After all, understanding the way people think and work can only benefit us.

Here's an article on apologizing:


Are You Big Enough to Apologize?
New research explains why we hate apologizing.
by Dr. Denise Cummins, Ph.D. in Good Thinking

Fans of NCIS are familiar with Gibbs’ Rule Number 6: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness. Then again, maybe that is why he has been divorced three times and is currently unmarried.

Ali McGraw gravely intoned a similar rule in the 1970’s movie Love Story: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” This could only be spoken by someone who has never been married—for long.

The purpose of apologies

Do apologies serve a useful purpose? Or are they just power plays between people?

The majority of research indicates that apologies do indeed serve a useful—and objectively measurable—purpose. They convert a desire for revenge into willingness to forgive and forget.

Researchers have found that people who are wronged in a business transaction may be more likely to say they would reconcile if the offender offers a sincere apology – particularly if the offender takes personal blame for the misdeed.

Genuine apologies also yield positive outcomes in lawsuits, according to Dr. Jennifer Robbennolt, a Professor of Law and Psychology at the University of Illinois. “Conventional wisdom has been to avoid apologies because they amount to an admission of guilt that can be damaging to defendants in court,” she said. “But the studies suggest apologies can actually play a positive role in settling legal cases.”

Robbennolt based this conclusion on research involving more than 550 people during settlement negotiations in a hypothetical injury case. Overall, apologies reduced financial demands and facilitated agreement. But the nature of the apology matters. Apologies that accepted fault had more impact than apologies that merely expressed sympathy, but took no responsibility. The latter are sometimes referred to as “non-apologies”, such as “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Non-apologies infuriate people, fanning the flames of perceived injury and a desire for revenge.

Why refuse to apologize?

So if genuine apologies yield such positive outcomes, why do so many people so strongly resist making them?

According to recent research, the reason has more to do with ego strength than with the merits of the case or the severity of the transgression. According to lead author Tyler Okimoto, "When you refuse to apologize, it actually makes you feel more empowered," he said. "That power and control seems to translate into greater feelings of self-worth." Ironically, Okimoto said, people who refused to apologize ended up with boosted feelings of integrity.

Okimoto and his colleagues came to this conclusion after studies the responses of 228 Americans who were asked to remember a time they had done something wrong—everything from trivial offenses to serious crimes, such as theft—and to indicate whether or not they had apologized. They also were asked to compose an email in which they either apologized or refused to apologize for their actions. The results showed that refusing to apologize provided psychological benefits.

Should you apologize?

So why do people refuse to apologize? Because apologizing makes them feel bad about themselves. Some even believe that apologizing means groveling and allowing another person to crow in victory over you—like the victor demanding you cry “uncle’ before he’ll let you go. According to Okimoto, demanding an apology from people with this belief system makes them feel threatened.

But on the way to adulthood, we learn that apologizing isn’t groveling or debasing oneself. Instead, the reason we apologize is to make the person we intentionally or unintentionally harmed feel better, not to make ourselves feel better. An apology means "I see you were harmed by my action, and that matters to me".

Apologizing threatens to topple that fragile sense of omnipotence. It means having to face that we are human after all, and that part of being reasonable human adult means owning up to our mistakes and setting them right. According to NPR, “The next time junior — or your partner — does something wrong, pass on the stare and try a hug.” In other words, we have become such fragile babies that we can’t handle the ego threat involved in making a simple apology. Instead, we need to be coddled cuddled, and excused from stepping up to the plate and sorting the mess we’ve intentionally or unintentionally created.

If you have trouble apologizing, remind yourself of these two things:

1. Apologizing doesn’t mean admitting inferiority, unworthiness, or weakness. It doesn’t mean groveling or debasing yourself. People who demand that of you aren’t asking for an apology. They are asking for submission, and that is quite a different thing.

2. An apology first and foremost communicates a simple message that affirms your humanity and that of the injured party: “I see and I care”.

Lost but not gone

Today my life consisted of loads upon loads of laundry, cleaning and so much packing. However awful that sounds, there was a silver lining... I managed to find $150 and the below letter. The letter was my favorite part.

As part of my senior psychology class in high school we had to pick two people to write a letter to introduce us to the class, and Jess wrote one of mine. I think the exercise was to reveal our friends perception of us and how well it correlated with our own personal identity.

Finding this letter again happened at a really good point in my life. I've been going through a period of self discovery and this note describes exactly who I've found myself to be again. So it seems that maybe I was never gone, perhaps I was just a little lost. This letter also reinforces that I will always be me - faults and all. Life isn't about fixing our flaws, it's about owning them. Regardless of how I got here, it feels good to be back.

Because the pictures are a little blurry, I'm going to type out the note for your reading pleasure.

As a side note: I moved my senior year to a new house, and my new bedroom was a little boys room. I had a multi-colored football fan and dinosaur wallpaper. My walls got repainted my sophomore year in college, and I am still currently looking at my multi-colored fan. I wish I was kidding.

"Dear Psychology Class,

Now that you've heard the lovely "I'm the boyfriend and what I say must be flattering" note from Alejandro, we can get down to the real Julia Harris. I've known Julia since the beginning of middle school and ever since I saw the Wedding Singer she's been Julia Goolia to me. Julia is someone who speaks her mind and says whatever pops into her head no matter the relativity to what's going on. When she's bored, you know it. When she's angry, you know it. When she's happy, you know it. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and tells it like it is.
If you ever need advice, she knows just what to say and how to make you feel good about yourself afterwards. She also takes teasing and taunts extremely well, at least from our core of friends... the occasional pale joke, fat joke (even though she's not but thinks she is), and the jokes about her bird call laugh... she simply smiles and tries to come back with a "haha you're stupid" or "well you have concealer on your butt!" But for some reason, reputation and how other people view her is a BIG deal to her. She's always worried about how her actions will affect people's view of her and acts accordingly.
Overall, Julia's a fun loving girl who will sing any 80's song right along with me or will be first to propose plans, even if it's,"fatty needs food." Although the move from one house to another has been tough, she'll persevere and learn to like the dinosaur wallpaper and football ceiling fan that this new house and life will throw at her. (Explain the wallpaper and fan cuz that won't make sense.) She just needs to watch out for poles and keep on keepin on as the happy, positive person she is. Don't mess with her or she'll either draw on your car in the middle of the night or get Dylan to beat you up.
Let me know all of the silly things she says in class because trust me, there will be plenty. Word for the wise, Thanksgiving is not on July 4th...

Sincerely,
Jess Johannesen.

P.s. Do the angry gnome dance for everyone!!!"

Build me up buttercup

So let's talk about gossip. What is gossip? Please allow me to define that for you:

Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Remember when you were in elementary school and your class played the telephone game? The first person and last person never heard the same word or phrase. Gossip is very similar, the words start to bend and transform as they go from one mouth to another. 

But hey, no big deal because everyone does it and it's human nature to be curious about other people's lives. After all, curiosity only killed the cat... right? Maybe.

I read a psychology article about gossip yesterday. Research shows that people who gossip tend to be less liked and have fewer personal relationships. One would think it is because he or she is not trustworthy, but the study actually found it was because people tend to attribute the negative gossip to the individual who repeats it. People don't remember what he or she said, but they remember the negative connotation which causes them to dislike the gossiper.

Please talk to me about anything except for what my friend said about her boyfriend, who slept with who last night after the bar, how someone isn't reaching their potential or that so and so is a liar.

How about we talk about a book you read? Or that article that you thought was really insightful? Or what about that funny video you watched? That great pair of shoes you almost bought? Those jeans that make your ass look fabulous? That party you're really excited about next week? A vacation you can't wait to take? All the places you want to eventually visit? Your best memory? Favorite band?

Look at all the things you miss out on learning about people when you get caught up talking about things that don't matter. 

To be honest, if we spent half as much time building each other up as we do putting one another down, the world would be a much better place. 

Human

This is a wonderful song. Whether it's about love or friendship, there is so much truth within these lyrics. Accept and expect imperfection and never apologize for it. You're human and you're alive and damn that's awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPd1GIwjRFM

"Glass"

Trying to live and love,

With a heart that can't be broken,

Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.

Yeah, we both carry baggage,

We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,

And I will do the same.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

Cause we are glass.

I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,

And in the darkness of this moment,

You see the good and bad.

But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,

But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

Cause we are glass.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,

We might burn like gasoline and fire,

It's a chance we'll have to take.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

And we are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

We are glass.

Because I said so!

How fitting... I turned on the TV to find a movie on that was titled "Because I said So," so I decided to pull some quotes from it. Enjoy!

Daphne: Johnny, you have too much pride.

Johnny: I prefer to call it common sense.

Daphne: It's pride, and it's a quality you and I share. It's an admirable one, until it becomes a wall. "Well, yes, I am alone, but at least I have my righteous anger to keep me company at night." Come on, that's not a life, and you know it.

Maggie: I swear, by the third time I was so loud car alarms were going off and dogs were barking. 

Daphne: What? Three times? Is that... is that normal? 

Mae: Oh, come on, we all know I hold the record in this family. 

[holds up seven fingers, Milly Smirks] 

Daphne: Milly, honey, why are you so quiet? 

Mae:  'Cause she's doing the oompa-loompa with two guys, mom. 

Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers. 

Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you 

Milly: The truth. Where is the truth? Where is the truth, because you've been living a lie and I've been lying to you Jason. 

Jason: Yeah but that doesn't change anything. 

Milly: How does that not change... everything? 

Jason: Because you're here. I think you already made your choice. But if it helps I'll say it. Stop seeing him. Then you and I can get closer. Close enough to spend the rest of our lives together. I knew I had you the day I met you. 

Milly: How could you know something like that? 

Jason: Because you were so nervous you laughed like a hyena, in that beautiful polka-dot dress of yours. 

Milly: Really? I'll tell you one thing though. You did not have me the moment that we met because I'm not even sure I liked the fact that your friends talked about you behind your back at the dessert table. And excuse me but truth be told I didn't like anything that you ordered for me on our first date except the calamari. And ok fine, yes, it was nice to not have to think for a change. But who wants someone that doesn't think? Look! And sometimes you laugh when I cry, and you say "huh" when I make perfect sense. And never ever in my life have I burnt a chocolate souffle until now, and that in and of itself... oh my god... should have told me I don't feel like myself around you. And I would have decided that. A long time ago if it weren't for my mother. Because who wants someone who laughs like a hyena in a polka dot dress that my mother made me buy. 

Jason: I love that dress. 

Milly: Take her out. 

Johnny: Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you. I love that when I breathe you in you smell like cake batter. And I love that you have this insane way of talking in circles that makes perfect sense. 

Milly: I do? Cause sometimes I feel like nobody understands me. But... 

Johnny: Me. I get you. 

Cute animals

But let's be honest...Chloe (pictured below) wins this contest.

Yum

Literally, it's miraculous that I don't weigh 500 pounds. I'm pretty much always hungry and always eating. If I'm not, give me an hour and I'll get grumpy and need a sandwich.

I'm not really a connoisseur of restaurants or food, probably because I'm not a picky eater. I was chubby as a kid and now as a runner I pretty much still live by the "see food, eat food" concept.

However, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate something that looks good or tastes good.

If you could name your favorite food, what would it be? Would it be something super extravagant or easy and simple.

Honestly, my guilty food pleasure is a giant burger and fries. Weird, right? Girls are supposed to be dainty and use utensils, but nope, I want to use my hands for the entire meal.

I also really love seafood. Lobster is my favorite, but I have a hard time ordering it because then they boil it in the kitchen... which sounds super painful and makes me super not hungry. Ugh, I try to save lives when I can.

Dessert is probably my favorite part of any meal. I saw in a movie once that you should always eat your dessert first because you could die before you get to it. Morbid, but interesting. I prefer to use it as a main meal source. Wrong, but so good.

Enjoy the pictures. Yum!

Quotes round two

I find that a great quote has the ability to say so much in very few words. Great quotes are not like all the books you read in high school that you spent weeks writing papers on trying to explain the symbolism and metaphors. Brilliant quotes don't need to be pulled apart because well versed thoughts need no explanation. I appreciate things you can take at face value. 

“Senses of humor define people, as factions, deeper rooted than religious or political opinions. When carrying out everyday tasks, opinions are rather easy to set aside, but those whom a person shares a sense of humor with are his closest friends. They are always there to make the biggest influence.” 

― Criss Jami

“Sometimes I guess it just feels better to know that you have someone to help you when you can’t even help yourself.” ― Rebecca Gober

"When a friend does something wrong, try not to forget all these things they've done right. No one is perfect." - Unknown

"True friends are the ones that have nice things to say behind your back." - Unknown


“Maybe the thing to do after you roll the dice-and lose-is simply pick them up and roll them again.” ― Emily Giffin

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." - Dr. Seuss

"I would rather be happy than dignified." - Jane Austen

"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. You think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either." 

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 
― Marilyn Monroe


“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” 
― Albert Einstein

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

“But I am learning that perfection isn't what matters. In fact, it's the very thing that can destroy you if you let it.” ― Emily Giffin

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” ― Mae West


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt


“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  ― Maya Angelou

“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.” ― John Green


“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson


“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” ― Thomas A. Edison


“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally.” ― Sarah Dessen


“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” ― Robert A. Heinlein

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.” ― Neil Gaiman


“Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.” ― John Wayne

“The world is not that black and white. There are no moral absolutes. It is complex.”  - Emily Giffin

Five people

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
- Mother Teresa

Have you ever read the book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"? If not, you need to. It's a fantastic book. It is not a religious book as it would sound; if anything it's is a lesson on humanity.

The concept of the book is that there are five people on this earth who are only here to help you reach your destination in life. They are not close friends or family, but rather they are people you barely know or meet for a few minutes. However, these people have a giant impact on your life. According to the book, when we die, we get to hear the stories of the five people.

Sticking to this idea, you'd have to assume that you are one of five people to another person as well. You are here to help someone along their journey and then you leave. Some of us have long journeys, while others have very short ones. Some journey's end abruptly. 

I think this book made life and death beautiful regardless of your beliefs. It's as if we are all here to help one another. Death is sad but this notion adds dignity and grace to the tragedy. Maybe we are all more connected than we think. 

Do you think you've met your five people yet? Who knows, I think that's part of the mystery. It's unsuspected and unprompted. It's a true test to your character because you never know who it might be.

The real question is what will your five people tell you and will you be proud or embarrassed? 

Clocks

A girl sits quietly gazing impatiently at a clock across the room. The clock ticks, she blinks and time passes. Suddenly she is no longer a child, but a grown woman with children of her own. Startled, the girl awakens. She now sits patiently, no longer staring at the clock; hopeful yet not in a hurry to grow up.

Laugh a little

“It's much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.” - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Great books make good movies.

Pets

"If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans" - James Herriot

If you have a pet then you will easily relate to this post. Especially if your pet is more of a companion than an animal. In my opinion, that's the best definition for a pet anyway.

The world can be a beautiful but cruel place, but animals remind us that altruistic love exists. An animal's love is unconditional; they don't care what you look like.  Animals also have a way of peering into our souls and understanding our emotions. They yearn to make us whole again when we feel broken.

People think my family is crazy because we have five cats, but maybe we are just more open to the love that animals can bring into our lives. All of our cats are rescues and need all the love they can get, so we give it to them, but what they give to us in return is the true reward.

We would all do well to learn from our pets.

Define that please

I think millions of people all over the world are constantly trying to define love. If you look on the Internet you can find numerous quotes about what love is, or you can walk into a bookstore and buy books on how to find better or more love.

Some emotions are easy to define. We cry when we're sad, smile when we're happy and yell when we're angry. But what about love?

Maybe love can't be defined. Perhaps it's one of those feelings that is subjective to each individual.

However, for me, love is wanting the best for someone. Always wanting to hold their hand. Love is full of laughter and talking but sometimes also tears. It's often heard that love means never having to say you're sorry but that's far from the truth. Love is full of apologies. Fighting is ok as long as you learn to forgive. Love never holds grudges. Love doesn't mean you are both exactly the same, but you care about each others differences. Love is about the little things. It's knowing that no matter what you do or become that your heart is still safe.

There's only one thing about love that seems to be objective: if you are lucky enough to find it, don't let it go.

Dream big or go home

My psychology professor was talking before class one day and jokingly he said, "How does one throw in the towel? I mean, did anyone ever ask the towel how he feels about that?".

This has stuck with me for a few years. Ironically it was meant as a joke, but is there some truth to that statement? Can a person actually throw in the towel? Well, yes - but should we? We all have the freedom of choice in our lives, but when it comes to goals and dreams can we actually just give up?

We can choose to let dreams go, but I believe they have a way of sticking with us.  Maybe we let dreams go because we are afraid of the outcome and not reaching what we desire. But what if you give up on your dream and spend the rest of your life trying to dream up something to replace it? And what if that new dream just isn't quite as good?

Well, for me, that's too many what ifs. Dream big or go home.

A Friendly Tribute

As humans we are wired to be social, to want to be around other people. We call these people our friends.

Friends, in my eyes, are one of the most important things you can have in life. We don't just merely want friends, we need them. We need that constant companionship; those often thought provoking moments late on a Wednesday night. Those listening to music so loud in a car that your ear drums could burst moments, but you don't care because you're too happy - those are the great parts of life.

I've found that when it comes to friendships, we often befriend people who are similar to us yet still manage to make up for what we lack. If you're strong, I bet your friend is stronger when you can't be. You like to try new foods? I bet your friend is really good at finding good restaurants.
If you're a deep thinker, I bet you have a friend who is really good at making you laugh. If you like to talk, I'm sure you know a good listener. We need these type of relationships to add balance to our lives, especially when it gets confusing.

I've known most of my friends since I was about 12. As we got older our group expanded but remained strong. The new are just as valued as the old. Even though we are, at times, spread out across different states we still manage to stay close. It's nice to have a solid friend group, friends who would do anything for each other. That's what friendship is all about right? Yep, give and take.

Good friends allow you to make mistakes and love you anyway. However they aren't afraid to say you're being an idiot, but they will still hold your hand afterward. They aren't afraid of hurting each others feelings because good intentions are always obvious. Friends are also our biggest encouragers. They recognize your desire and need to grow and they do so with you. Through growth and change you grow separately so that you can continue to grow together. Friends are there to laugh and cry with you. That 'if you're ever sitting on the floor crying, you bet that I'm sitting right next to you' type of situation. Isn't that a wonderful thing? I think so.

I say friends are one of the most important things in life because I've often heard there is never a lack of love, only a lack of friendship. So cherish your friends and tell them what they mean to you. Remember to always be kind and be the type of friend you value.

So, with that being said, here's a shout out to the people who make my life complete. All of you: the laughers, comedians, criers, deep thinkers, good planners, intellectuals, partiers and especially the good listeners. I wouldn't be who I am today without all of you. Thanks for adding so much happiness to my life - I will spend the rest of my time here trying to return the favor.