a helping hand

Robin William's disheartening death has created an increased awareness of suicide and depression among people everywhere. Suicide is tragic and something most of us cannot wrap our heads around. How could someone hide such an intense pain as it slowly closes in on them?

Depression is probably one of most complicated things to explain and one of the most debilitating things to experience. An experience where your thoughts are so intertwined with your feelings that you cannot tell the difference. It is like you are stuck in a hole and the more you climb out to breathe, the more dirt falls on you. Eventually you are up to your neck in dirt and it is no longer possible to continue climbing. Our feelings about ourselves and our lives are deeply controlled by our thoughts, but our thoughts are also deeply controlled by our feelings; a catch-22 for sadness with no exit route.

People are always very surprised to find out that people they know suffer from depression, but most often the things that are hard to feel are also hard to talk about.

I had no idea he was having such a hard time, I did not know anything was wrong, They never talked about it, She always seemed happy...

Depression and suicide shock and confuse people. Most people have a hard time understanding anything that causes a seemingly happy person to hurt themselves, but the truth is that the ability to appear happy and make others smile has nothing to do with sadness. Sometimes you try to make other people happy because you cannot find that type of happiness for yourself. Depression makes you feel like you cannot be rescued, so you create a mask, a facade, to hide what you feel. When you do not think anything can get better it does not make sense to you to talk about it.

It is very true that you should always be kind to people because you never know what someone is going through. But why stop there? I would encourage you to not only be kind - reach out. You have a responsibility to the people you choose to let into your life. You owe it to those people to care for and love on them when they need it. So often people try to tell us how much they need our help, but we do not hear them; we are not listening. We get so caught up in our lives and busy schedules, and we do not see the person reaching out from behind the sadness.

He was always such a great guy, He always made me laugh, She lit up the room, I loved being around him, She was my favorite person, My life will not be the same without you...

What would happen if this out pour of love and kindness that occurs for these people who take their own lives happened all the time - not only after they had given up? What would it look like if we checked in on people and told them we cared? What if we knew the warning signs? I am not blaming anyone; suicide is no one's fault, but depression is a different kind of demon. It convinces you that there is no way out, that you are alone. Let's prove it wrong. Show the people in your life that you care, even if you think they are happy.

I am so glad you are my friend, If you ever need to talk I am here, I care about you, You are special to me, I am glad you are in my life...

I swear if we built each other up half as much as we tore one another down the world would be a much better place.

Silence

"Not telling the truth is the quickest way to turn yourself into a stranger."

One of the first things you are supposed to learn and acknowledge when working with people is that their actions and decisions are generally situational rather than a direct reflection of their character and personality. In doing so, you can avoid a lot of hurt feelings. It can also help a person discover how a particular situation affects them personally; helping them find meaning behind experience.

If we are aware that peoples' actions usually have very little to do with us, why do we still find poor action to be so offensive? Forgetfulness, avoidance, lack of compassion - these things can all be understood within particular contexts. What about deceit? Deceit is something most people cannot understand in any type of context, mostly because the reasons for lying are usually very unclear. Sometimes people lie with good intentions; truths can be personal. Sometimes deceit occurs to protect feelings, but generally a lie hurts more than the truth ever could. Everyone's truth is a little different and maybe some people are not always ready to see what you view to be the truth.

Regardless of intentions, the worst part of a lie is discovering it. Yeah maybe the truth would hurt, but a lie just leaves you feeling confused and frustrated trying to find its necessity.

Generally speaking, I am a very forgiving person. If a person does something to hurt me most times it doesn't even take an apology to earn my forgiveness; actions speak louder than words - although apologies are nice. Empathy allows a person to put him or herself in another person's shoes and understand the outlook that caused the bad actions. Unfortunately, lying is hard for most people, including myself, to understand because honesty seems so simple. Lying is viewed as deliberate where other actions are not.

Trust is the foundation of a friendship and once that's broken, the structure cracks and crumbles. Trust and respect are very intertwined, and it is unlikely for one to exist without the other. It is not so much about the one time that someone lies; rather it is about the fact that you no longer know when he or she is not lying. Lying has the ability to void all future interactions when respect is not present anymore. When you lie to someone you are telling that person that he or she is not worth the truth, and once that value is defined there is not much to fall back on.

It is true that not all lies are meant to be hurtful, so how do you confront and recover from dishonesty? Sometimes you can't, and sometimes you can. If you've been lied to there is a lot to be said about polite confrontation - but sometimes silence speaks volumes.